Three of My Worst Ghosting Experiences
Firstly, it’s important to define ghosting.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
Ghosting behavior is often a result of communication issues, emotional immaturity, lack of empathy, fear of commitment, aversion to conflict, and/or avoidant behavior.
If you notice that a friend you've regularly hung out or communicated with suddenly stops responding to your texts or calls, they might be ghosting you, or they may have something in their life that's keeping them busy.
Who Ghosted Me
I have actually been ghosted many times. Some of those experiences were more painful than others for different reasons, perhaps mainly based on how close I felt to the person who ghosted me.
In this blog, I am sharing three examples of three guys who ghosted me. I had known these three guys for varying lengths of time and in varying contexts or types of relationships.
Of these three guys, the first guy to ghost me was a romantic interest (I’ll call him romantic guy); the second guy to ghost me was an acquaintance I had met in a cafe (I’ll call him cafe guy); the third guy to ghost me was someone I considered a friend whom I had met on a trip (I’ll call him trip guy).
Where I Was Ghosted
With each of these guys, I had had very long and extensive conversations with them in person, phone calls and texts, and they did not seem to be annoyed by me during our conversations. So it was a bit surprising that they ghosted me (although in hindsight there were warning signs which I will share below).
Interestingly enough, where I was ghosted happened on three different messaging apps:
Facebook Messenger
WhatsApp Messenger
Instagram Direct Messaging
What I Did After I Was Ghosted
In all three instances when I was ghosted, I went into no contact, silent mode.
I did not chase them to ask why they are no longer messaging me.
Regarding one of these guys, I actually cried quite a bit as I had become quite attached to him.
Regarding the other two guys whom I had known for a shorter period of time, I felt grateful that they showed me their true colors before I invested more time with them.
After a few days, I deleted all of the message history of the three guys on the messaging apps between us as I did not want to be reminded that they ghosted me by seeing the history of text exchanges in my messaging app feed.
I blocked two of them on the app on which we were communicating so that I did not have to see them show up in my messaging app or social media app.
There is one of the three whom I have not blocked as it happened very recently and I prefer to leave the possibility open that he might renew contact, although I am not expecting that to happen, and also I do not want to be in contact with him anymore. The fact that I have deleted the messaging history between us is good for me for now, as I am not reminded of him when I enter my messaging feed.
How I Moved On After I Was Ghosted
It was very challenging for me to move on after I was ghosted when it first happened a few years ago with the first guy.
However, as the years went on, and I was ghosted by more people in different contexts, I became less and less upset with them, and I was able to move on faster with each subsequent situation of ghosting. It’s almost as if I had become used to ghosting and it was no longer such a big deal.
Another part of how I moved on is that I allowed the possibility that they were overwhelmed with life and did not know how to tell me, and that is okay with me.
I also allowed the possibility that they just are no longer interested in talking with me, and that is okay with me.
I did not dwell on the possibility that they were intentionally trying to hurt me.
I did not take it personally and this allowed me to keep some distance between my feelings and the ghosting.
I energetically sent them loving kindness and compassion as fellow human beings with flaws, recognizing that I also have flaws and that I have not always behaved in a great way with others.
I used each experience as a learning experience to cultivate wisdom and discernment in my relationships so that I can perhaps notice the signs of potential ghosting early on and therefore minimize my investment in the relationship.
I practice non attachment and equanimity so that I am not grasping and clinging to people who no longer want to be a part of my life and this ability to allow, and let be, has really reduced my suffering after these ghosting experiences.
The Warning Signs of Ghosting
In addition to the information shared in this article about signs of ghosting, I want to share some of the signs that I personally noticed during my relationship with these three guys before they actually ghosted me.
In retrospect there were a few warning signs with each guy, although I did not really foresee that they would ghost me, even though some of their behavior was uncomfortable and unpleasant for me.
For example, the romantic guy who ghosted me never took the initiative to write to me first. I was always the one reaching out to him first, although once we were connected he seemed very interested in me.. So, in hindsight I realized he was indeed showing me that he was not as interested in me as I was in him. On that final day, the day he ghosted me, we were texting about meeting up and then he stopped replying to me. He ghosted me.
With the cafe guy, there were two main warning signs. One sign was a time when I had sent him a message that I found inspirational and he did not reply and I felt like I was bothering him so a while later I messaged him apologizing for bothering him with the inspirational message and he replied that he did not think that the message required a reply and that I was not bothering him. Also, he did not share much about his personal life during our conversations and I now realize that that was a potential warning sign that he might ghost me.
With the trip guy, there were three main warning signs. Often when I sent him a closing text at the end of our text exchanges wishing him best wishes or a similar message, he often did not reply. Another warning sign that I realized in hindsight was that he did not share certain details about his personal life with me. Also, he kept a distance between his friends and family, and me.
Why I’m Writing About My Ghosting Experiences
I have various intentions in writing about my ghosting experiences:
Writing about my ghosting examples is helping me to process some of my emotions, feelings and thoughts about these experiences.
My intention is also to help others to understand that ghosting is indeed a phenomenon that happens to many people and that when someone ghosts you, that does not mean that you did something wrong.
I want to share my personal insights into ghosting in this writing that might be helpful to others in their experiences with ghosting.
I want to provide a safe space for others to share their experiences with ghosting, so please share your thoughts in the comments.
I hope that you find this blog useful in some ways and that you feel some comfort in knowing that you are not alone if you have been ghosted.
I am also curious to hear the perspectives of those who have ghosted someone, so let me know if you have ever ghosted someone and if so please share about it in the comments.
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Best wishes,
Angel
Certified Raw Vegan Chef & Yoga Teacher
Wellness Lifestyle Coach & Author
Meditation & Retreat Leader